Teenagers… they can’t do anything right. For instance:

…an appeals court in Illinois recently ruled that a woman is allowed to sue a dead teen’s estate for injuries caused by his flying body parts. The 18-year-old boy was running across the Amtrak tracks to catch another train but didn’t make it — he was hit by an oncoming train going 70 mph and his body was torn apart by the force and flung onto a nearby passengers’ waiting platform. The woman, 58, was struck by a sizable chunk of the boy’s body and was knocked to the ground, breaking her leg and wrist.

Well, in munich now. This is one city that’s not blowing me away. Leavng for luxemborg tommorrow.

I was thinking of a good gag today. You go up to a sales or hotel clerk and ask, ” Do you speak english?” When they say yes, you say, “wergly scnerzle flug? Disbobble nerfle strighterf! Zard? Zard! Zard!”

Ha! That would show them!

I was walking around Prague castle a couple nights ago and was very impressed with the gargoyle statues. They kind of look like they’re throwing up on you. So I came up with this link to photographs of the boys in all their splendor.

Well, the journey continues. Spent new year’s eve watching fireworks exploding over Prague. Tomorrow we move on to Vienna.

I’ll have more entertaining stories when I’m not writing on an iPad keyboard.

I’m in Warsaw right now, having a martini that tastes like it was made out of vodka and man sweat. Nonetheless, this town has a lot more charm than I thought it would. Frankly, I didn’t put much thought into it, but it’s charming.

I also note that Wayno, the cartoonist who did the artwork for my book and CDs, has taken over the syndicated newspaper comic Bizarro  for a week. You can view some of the installments here.

So far, the trip to Germany is going well. I was inside the famed Berlin Cathedral today, taking a picture of the nativity scene, when it struck me that I was taking a picture of the first Christmas day, on Christmas Day. As a result, I was filled with the power of the Holy Spirit. This garnered me the ability to fly and shoot lasers out of my eyes.

Well, I’m setting out today to begin my trip through Eastern Europe. I will return on January 14. Its hard to say how much blogging I’ll do; maybe little, maybe a lot. Who knows? Part of enjoying life is embracing its mysteries.

Well, as seems par for the course in my life, I’m having a new bout of computer issues that are making blogging difficult. I’m actually dictating this blog on my dad’s iPad using voice recognition software. Maybe this is the wave of the future. Perhaps every thought that travels through my head should instantly be captured and posted to this blog. Then humanity could truly benefit from my genius.

 But what if my thoughts are too advanced for the average human? Their brains might literally explode at the effort of trying to comprehend my thoughts. No, it’s best I keep most of my ideas to myself… If only for the good of humanity.

I have to say, I’m pretty impressed with the voice recognition software (Dragon for the iPad.) It made only one error in the previous dictation.

I think I’ve mentioned that I’ve been spending some time learning German lately. It’s interesting how much learning that language gives you new insights into English. For instance, you see the word “karte” pop up a lot in German. A ticket is a “fahrkarte” or a menu is a “Speisekarte.” I was presuming karte basically meant “card,” in the sense that a ticket is really like a “fare card” or a menu is kind of like an “eating card.” However, today I learned it meant “map.” As in “cartography.” And suddenly pieces of these two languages seem to come together.

I think if I continue studying both languages, I will be able to discover a hidden map (or “karte”) to the universe which will enable me to become all-powerful and ensure that Katy Perry sleeps with me.

If you came up with a phony, self-created cure for a stuffed nose, would that be a “nostril nostrum”?

What if you had HIV and hives?