Archive for the 'Penis News' Category
January 18th, 2013 by Wil
It’s been a while since we’ve done in all-penis-Friday around here. I think this Smithsonian article is worth a feature: Researchers Discover New Method of Barnacle Sex.
Barnacles are renowned for the size of their penises. The strange-looking creatures, which live inside shells glued to rocks or boat hulls, have outsized members that are among the longest in the animal kingdom relative to their size—their penises can stretch up to eight times their body length.
Interestingly, in the anthropod language, the word for barnacle is “Wil Forbis.”
October 11th, 2012 by Wil
Would you wear one?
October 2nd, 2012 by Wil
I’m continuing my reading of the book “Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers” and today came across some interesting tidbits about a special focus of this blog: penises.
Specifically, in a chapter on how stress affects reproduction, the book goes into great detail on how erections work.
First, we should understand that your nervous system — the complex pathway of chemical signaling that controls things like your heart rate, digestive system etc. — has two components. There’s the sympathetic nervous system which is basically what fires up when you get anxious or panicked. And there’s the parasympathetic nervous system which is what’s firing up when you’re chilling out.
By a strange twist, it’s actually your parasympathetic nervous system which needs to be activated to get an erection. However, it’s your sympathetic nervous system that signals for the act of ejaculation. So, during the complex process when you are pounding away at a sleazy Thai hooker, err, I mean, your darling wife, the two components of the nervous system have a delicate interaction. One must first be turned on, then turned off, whereas the other starts off off, and then turns on.
It’s a wonder it works at all.
August 12th, 2012 by Wil
Here’s an interesting penis article sent in by a “member” of our readership. The Penises of the Icelandic Handball Team.
The article is actually about a museum in Iceland which showcases penises and related items. One of the items on display is a collection of silver penises reportedly representing the nationally famous handball team of Iceland.
It is displayed right under a large photograph of the virile 2008 handball team but, somewhat confusingly, does not depict its actual members.
“No,” declared the goalkeeper Hreidar Levy Gudmundsson, one of the players from the 2008 squad who remain on the team… “We didn’t make it. We didn’t have a session after the game, if that’s what you mean. I think it’s a little bit weird, to be honest.”
The penises were constructed by a female sculptor, the daughter of the founder of the penis museum.
“I thought, ‘OK, it’s a phallus museum, so I’ll just make, you know, phalluses,’ ” she said.
So, whose phalluses are they?
“I didn’t have any models,” she said. “I just made them from experience.”
I considered contacting the museum to see if they would be interested in a life-size replica of my penis but I’m under the impression that they don’t have a lot of room.
June 14th, 2012 by Wil
I haven’t featured much penis news around here as of late, but an alert reader sent in the following: Granada firemen save man’s penis stuck in a tube.
Granada fire-fighters have avoided the need for a penis to be amputated after it got stuck in a steel cylinder after a 52 year old man had placed it there in what appears to be part of a sexual act.
Doctors in the emergency department of the Hospital Ruiz de Alda in Granada were unable to release the member, as it seems the penis was suffering what is described as ‘an important inflammation’.
The last time my penis got stuck in a steel trap was when I was having sex with my wife! HAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!
Seriously… I’m not married.
April 29th, 2012 by Wil
The L.A. Times has an interesting op/ed piece on the sex life of ants. (The Times is always taking an unflinching look at controversial issues no other paper would touch.) The events, post coitus, for male ants leave something to be desired.
If two ants do manage to connect, the much-smaller male attaches himself to the female and inseminates her, whereupon his genitalia explode and he falls to the ground, lifeless.
Yeah, I’ve had dates like that.
April 9th, 2012 by Wil
It’s fair to say I haven’t been publishing much interesting penis news on this blog lately, certainly not every Friday as I was for a while. However this nugget caught my attention. N.J. man dies from penis enhancing injection.
Authorities have filed homicide charges against a woman after she allegedly administered a silicone injection into the penis of a 22-year-old man, who suffered a fatal blood clot.
There’s something very literary about the whole episode: Man, seeking greatness, only brings about his own destruction. I think the moral is “be happy with your penis.”
November 12th, 2011 by Wil
Astute readers will recall what used to be a regular feature around these parts: all penis Fridays. On Fridays, this blog would report various tidbits of interesting penis news.
Updates to this feature have been rare as of late. I meant to run this yesterday, but got tied up.
His penis is cut off and shredded
GARDEN GROVE, Calif. – A Southern California woman was in custody yesterday after authorities said she drugged her estranged husband, tied him to a bed, cut off his penis and put it through a garbage disposal.
…
Nightengale said the 51-year-old man felt sick, went to lie down and lost consciousness. The 48-year-old Becker then allegedly tied his arms and legs to the bed with rope, removed his clothes and attacked him with a 10-inch kitchen knife as he awoke.
“He was conscious when his penis was removed,” Nightengale said.
Nightengale said Becker put the penis in the garbage disposal and turned it on.
I’m beginning to remember why I stopped doing this feature.
August 25th, 2011 by Wil
Well, I haven’t done an all penis Friday in some time, but the following CNN headline caught my attention.
Five questions to ask before having penis surgery
Surprisingly, the article doesn’t discuss questions you shouldn’t ask before having penis surgery. You know, things like, “Hey doc, after I get this penis implant will your wife start returning my calls again?” or, “Are my genital warts edible?”
Such is the sorry state of modern journalism.
June 9th, 2011 by Wil
I have to say, I’m greatly disappointed in the public response to the Anthony Wiener situation. The man sent pictures of his penis over the Internet to a private citizen. So what? This has nothing to do with the fact that he’s been a very capable politician and representative of his district.
I’m doubly disappointed by the lack of support from his fellow Democratic lawmakers. There seems to be a universal attempt to create distance between Wiener and his fellow Democrats. Now is the time that Democrats should be doubling down in their support for Wiener. I argue that every Democratic politician should take pictures of their genitalia and place it on the Internet. If one man does it, it’s a crime. But how can Wiener be prosecuted if the Internet is deluged by pictures of Democratic penises and vaginas?
Of course, support from his fellow lawmakers is not the only thing needed to save Wiener. Rank and file Democrats need to get into the battle. I propose that June 10 be labeled “Wiener Day.” On this day, Democrats can identify themselves and their support for Wiener by walking around with their genitalia exposed through the crotch of their pants (you see this quite often in pornography.) The message would be clear: if you’ve got a problem with penises, then you’ve got a problem with me! If a Democrat whose genitalia is exposed finds himself or herself in conversation with a person who is looking away, or trying to pretend they don’t see said genitalia, then I would argue the Democrats should grab that person by the scruff of her neck and force their face into the sexual protuberance.
I think this effort would have one very predictable effect. Republicans would decry the public display of penises and genitalia, but they would also feel that their manhood was being questioned. Shadowy insinuations would fly that Republican penises are smaller. As such, I think you would soon, um, members of both parties hanging free in the wind.
This is the only way we can move forward as a country.
