Yeah, yeah, I know, I haven’t been posting here much. That’s life.

However, keen-eyed readers may recall that a certain pet peeve of mine is writers talking about numbers in terms of percentages as a way of disguising the fact that the numbers are rather underwhelming. For instance, you might see a headline like “Murder Rate Up 200 Percent in Indiana Town” only to find that the victim count went from three to nine in a year. Not exactly a reign of terror.

This article humorously illustrates the same thing.

Testosterone Injections Caused Patient’s Penis To Double In Length

Is this guy now packing a monster schlong? Umm, no. He had a condition called hypogonadism which resulted in a penis that was 1.9 inches long. After the treatment he was a whopping 3.7.

Been a while since I’ve posted some penis news but I think this qualifies.

Wu-Tang Clan-associated rapper cuts off penis, jumps off building in suicide try

It’s like the old saying: If cutting off your penis doesn’t kill you then the jump from the building will!

Except, in this case it didn’t.

Incredibly once he hit the pavement they said he got back up on his feet and began running around, albeit incoherently.

Oh well… old sayings aren’t 100%.

I know it’s been AGES since I’ve run some penis news but the wait has been worth. Trust me.

Man loses severed penis after FORGETTING to take it to hospital to be sewn back on.

Yang Hu was left in agony after severing his manhood from his body, and decided to CYCLE to the hospital to have it re-attached to his body.

But rather than prep him for immediate surgery, doctors told him to get on his bike again and go home because he FORGOT to bring it with him.

Yang, from Jiaxing, in Zhejiang province, east China, eventually rode home to pick up his penis but doctors hit him with yet more bad news – it had been without blood for too long and was therefore impossible to re-attach.

It’s been a while since we’ve done in all-penis-Friday around here. I think this Smithsonian article is worth a feature: Researchers Discover New Method of Barnacle Sex.

Barnacles are renowned for the size of their penises. The strange-looking creatures, which live inside shells glued to rocks or boat hulls, have outsized members that are among the longest in the animal kingdom relative to their size—their penises can stretch up to eight times their body length.

Interestingly, in the anthropod language, the word for barnacle is “Wil Forbis.”

Would you wear one?

Here’s an interesting penis article sent in by a “member” of our readership. The Penises of the Icelandic Handball Team.

The article is actually about a museum in Iceland which showcases penises and related items. One of the items on display is a collection of silver penises reportedly representing the nationally famous handball team of Iceland.

It is displayed right under a large photograph of the virile 2008 handball team but, somewhat confusingly, does not depict its actual members.

“No,” declared the goalkeeper Hreidar Levy Gudmundsson, one of the players from the 2008 squad who remain on the team… “We didn’t make it. We didn’t have a session after the game, if that’s what you mean. I think it’s a little bit weird, to be honest.”

The penises were constructed by a female sculptor, the daughter of the founder of the penis museum.

“I thought, ‘OK, it’s a phallus museum, so I’ll just make, you know, phalluses,’ ” she said.

So, whose phalluses are they?

“I didn’t have any models,” she said. “I just made them from experience.”

I considered contacting the museum to see if they would be interested in a life-size replica of my penis but I’m under the impression that they don’t have a lot of room.

I haven’t featured much penis news around here as of late, but an alert reader sent in the following: Granada firemen save man’s penis stuck in a tube.

Granada fire-fighters have avoided the need for a penis to be amputated after it got stuck in a steel cylinder after a 52 year old man had placed it there in what appears to be part of a sexual act.

Doctors in the emergency department of the Hospital Ruiz de Alda in Granada were unable to release the member, as it seems the penis was suffering what is described as ‘an important inflammation’.

The last time my penis got stuck in a steel trap was when I was having sex with my wife! HAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!

Seriously… I’m not married.

The L.A. Times has an interesting op/ed piece on the sex life of ants. (The Times is always taking an unflinching look at controversial issues no other paper would touch.) The events, post coitus, for male ants leave something to be desired.

If two ants do manage to connect, the much-smaller male attaches himself to the female and inseminates her, whereupon his genitalia explode and he falls to the ground, lifeless.

Yeah, I’ve had dates like that.

It’s fair to say I haven’t been publishing much interesting penis news on this blog lately, certainly not every Friday as I was for a while. However this nugget caught my attention. N.J. man dies from penis enhancing injection.

Authorities have filed homicide charges against a woman after she allegedly administered a silicone injection into the penis of a 22-year-old man, who suffered a fatal blood clot.

There’s something very literary about the whole episode: Man, seeking greatness, only brings about his own destruction. I think the moral is “be happy with your penis.”