The bigger question

One of the more important questions I feel science can tackle is whether women prefer bigger penises. (“The answer is an incontrovertible YES!” I recall an advertisement in an old Penthouse announcing. I tend to agree, but then I have reason to be biased in the matter.) It basically gets down to a matter of evolutionary psychology. Women are attracted to attributes that will help in their innate goal of replicating the genes for the next generation. For example, there was an interesting study noting that women are attracted to the smells of men who have a high immunity to diseases the woman herself is not immune to. Obviously mating with such a man would result in a child with a tendency to be immune to a lot of diseases, and thus have a greater likelihood of survival.

So what would the advantage of a large penis be? Well it’s take a look at your average hunter/gatherer female. She’s probably had sex with five or six guys today, and their spunk is currently swimming through her uterus. Along comes a guy with big schlong. He nails her, and because he’s bigger, ejaculates deeper in her vagina, thus his boys get to go to the front of the line, so to speak.

Okay, so we can totally see the advantage of a big penis from the guy’s point of view. But what’s the appeal to the woman? I argue that she sees a guy with a big penis, and realizes that any sons she has with him will have big penises, and therefore have a greater chance of giving her grandchildren e.g. replicating genes.

So, we should expect to see longer and longer penises on human males as they engage in a evolutionary game of one upmanship. Is it possible that within 100 years men will be dragging along 3 foot pythons which will have a tendency to get caught in nearby electrical sockets, waffle irons, staplers? I would argue that it is not only possible, but very probable.

2 Responses to “The bigger question”


  1. Christopher Ryan

    Using your logic, and a more accurate understanding of female anatomy, we should be evolving longer, but thinner penises. So thin, in fact, that they can snake up through the opening of the cervix, which the present-day penis doesn’t do. In fact, length is a non-issue in putting your boys at the front of the line, as the line doesn’t really start until they get through the cervical opening, which isn’t where all the thrusting is going on.

  2. Wil

    Perhaps the real solution would be for men to evolve a Medusa like Armada of slithering penis tentacles that would stretch out into the world seeking nearby vaginas.

    Only then will we truly be happy.