A while back, I bought a pair of these super expensive BOSE headphones. (I remember that when I bought them the young, cute salesgirl was pretty flirty, but it’s always hard to tell as to whether that’s just because you’re spending $100 on a pair of headphones.) It seemed like an insane amount to pay for headphones, but the sound quality of these things is remarkable. Unfortunately, about a year in, I had lost both earbuds and that ended up damaging the headphones to the point of being nonfunctional. I could hardly believe I was doing it, but I ponied Up another hundred dollars (this time from a new, different cute flirty salesgirl.) And, again, I was enjoying the incredibly high audio quality.

Then, something else went wrong with the headphones — I can’t remember what, but I know it was my fault — and I bought yet a third pair. It’s insane, and I’ve never had this kind of brand loyalty, but these things really sound good.

What’s interesting is that I notice when I see other people wearing the BOSE headphones while I’m wearing mine, we share a certain camaraderie. I went on a hike yesterday and, while listening to some tunes, I passed a guy with the definitive zebra stripe pattern wire hanging out of his ears. We looked at each other like, “yeah, you’re cool.”

It reminds me of an experience I had about a year ago while waiting for the trolley late one night. I had my earbuds in and strolled past a twentysomething dude sitting on a bench wearing his headphones. We nonverbally demonstrated our approval. Then another guy walked up, also wearing BOSEs, and we all smiled inwardly. Then some total goofball appeared on the platform wearing these absurd oversized purple headphones. Me and the other two guys knew what we had to do. I wrestled free a metal slat from a nearby fence; one of the other dudes grabbed a trashcan lid; the third guy wrapped his wallet chain around his fist. We approached this new interloper. He was like, “Hey fellas… sure hope that trolley gets here soon, huh? I’d really hate to …URF!” I’m not kidding when I say we beat that fucking shit out of that non-BOSE headphones wearing twerp.

BUY BOSE HEADPHONES MOTHERFUCKERS!!!