This afternoon, I passed a collection box for the “Toys for Tots” program. This is, of course, a very successful charity program in which toys are collected for needy children who otherwise might not have much under the tree on Christmas day. It dawned on me that this effort has been very successful, and really become synonymous with the best parts about Christmas. With all the commercialization of the holiday, it’s easy to forget what it’s really about… Sharing. Caring. Family. And it’s worth remembering that kids are the ones who really deserve to have good Christmas memories. And for that, I think we all owe a hearty thanks to the “Toys for Tots” program.

While I was thinking about this, I was also struck by an idea for a similar program that I would call “Toys for Tits.” In this program, ample breasted young women would be forced to take off their T-shirts and bras while men throw toys at them and scream things like “Show us your tits you fucking whore!” or “Make them jiggle Goddammit!” Like “Toys for Tots” I believe “Toys for Tits” would help remind us what’s important during these holidays.