If there’s one food product that you would presume to be pretty much the same even amongst different manufacturers, I think it would be turkey slices. It’s basically turkey with some kind of salt infusion — how can one taste any different from another?
However, today I tried some turkey slices from supermarket chain Fresh & Easy. They were astoundingly good. The best turkey slices I’ve ever had.
These turkey slices are so good that were I able, I would marry them. And after I had married the turkey slices, I would dedicate my life to ensuring that they were satisfied sexually and had the emotional support they needed to flourish in life. That is how much I love these Fresh & Easy turkey slices.
Of course, we live in a society where one cannot marry slices of turkey. In fact, our misguided notions of morality allow no formal recognition of relationships between man and any kind of sliced deli meat. Thus, I weep for us all.
That would make for a good Hipster “Alternative” Stand Up Comedy Bit. Although they don’t call it “Stand Up”. I don’t know what the fuck they call that stuff. And I doubt if they would call it a “Bit” either. Maybe I’m talking about Foreigners in a different Country like Bolivia or Mongolia. You should go to Bolivia or Mongolia and be a Comedian. Yeah. I’ll be doing this Bit at an Open Mike in a Bowling Ally in Seattle. Oh, don’t call it a “Bit”? Okay.
WE CANT MARRY DELI MEAT?!
If Men can Marry Men and Women can Marry Women we can Marry Deli Meat!
A Fast Car and a Movie Star are the only things in Life
It’s a Happening Scene
The American Dream
And for that I’ll always fight!
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