I’ve always been a big fan of the term “douchebag” because I think it, more than any other phrase, does a spectacular job of reducing its target to a completely nonhuman irredeemable piece of nothing. You’re basically saying to someone, “you’re lower than garbage, and I don’t have to waste a single second contemplating your worthless existence.”

It dawned to me today that I had always considered the term to basically be the equivalent of “douche.” Frankly, I don’t know much about douches, but they seem to be something like a bag, so I just figured douche and douchebag were one and the same. But I was in heavy thought about the topic today, and it occurred to me that a douchebag might be a refuse bag where one would throw used up douches. Was this a common practice in, I don’t know, sorority houses in the 1960s? Beats me. But being referred to as a bag holding old douches saturated in crusty vaginal saliva seems far worse than being a single douche. I just can’t not be in awe of what a great term “douchebag” is.