I’m constantly mentioning the fact that people tell me I look like Johnny Depp. I’m sure this comes across as vain, but I can’t help resembling the most attractive actor of our generation, a fellow who has been voted People’s sexiest man alive numerous times.

I got my most humorous of these compliments a couple nights ago. A beefy, bald Hispanic guy came up to me and said something like “You look exactly like Johnny Depp. If I ever started one of those celebrity look-alike companies, I would hire you and send you to parties, because bitches love that dude!”

I’m starting to wonder whether I could pass myself off as the real Johnny Depp. I’m especially curious whether I could fool his super hot supermodel girlfriend. If I did happen to walk into his villa in France, I imagine the conversation would go something like this…

“Honey, I’m home!”

“Is that you, Johnny? You look a little like that weird Internet guy, Wil Forbis.”

“Nope, it’s me. I made it back for handjob Tuesdays.”

“What? We’ve never done handjob Tuesdays before.”

“Yeah, it’s a new thing I was thinking we could start. So, break me off a piece.”

“This is strange. This seems like the kind of thing that weird Wil Forbis guy would say if he was pretending to be you.”

“Less talking, more handjobing.”