I’ve mentioned that, as a kid, I was a great fan of the Three Investigators series of young adult detective novels. The trio were kind of an update of the famed Hardy boys, but much more interesting. Whereas the Hardy boys were wholesome all-American douche bags, the Three Investigators had angst. Lead investigator Jupiter Jones was brilliant, but portly. Second investigator Pete Crenshaw was athletic, but of average intelligence. Recordkeeper Bob Andrews was academic, but lacking in nerve. With almost Zen appeal, the three characters’ strengths and flaws fit together as a greater whole.
I’ve also mentioned that for a brief period I was involved in working at a film production company. While there, I once suggested that The Three Investigators might be a good concept for a film but nothing ever came of it.
So, last night, I was looking through the downloadable movies on my cable service and came across an entry titled “The Three Investigators and the Secret of Skeleton Island.”
As you can imagine, I just about flipped my wig! Never in a million years did I think anyone would actually make a Three Investigators movie. I immediately looked it up online. It turned out the movie had been made by a German company because, apparently, The Three Investigators are huge in Germany. The reviews weren’t kind; this quite amusing blogger called it the second worst thing Germans have ever done. Nonetheless, I watched it. And, frankly, it wasn’t bad. It was definitely an updated take on my childhood heroes, but true enough to the spirit of the books. Not the sort of thing I would recommend you watch if you’re not already a fan of the books, but you could do worse.
The movie, it turns out, was actually made in 2007. And, a sequel was made. If I get a chance to see it I will.
I caught the new George Clooney film, “The Ides of March” last night. It seemed like it might be an intriguing political thriller.
How was it? Well the first third them across as very predictable and uninteresting. Then the second third had some great twists and turns and really caught my attention. Then the film ended. That’s right, it’s one of those movies where you’re thinking, “This is great, I can’t wait to see what happens next!” and it turns out the movie is over. It’s like Star Wars ending after Ben Kenobi gets killed and the Millennium Falcon flees the Death Star. There’s no payoff.
It’s a bit ironic, because there’s a scene in “The Ides of March” where a male character is making love to woman, but is so caught up watching the political news on television, that he loses his erection. In a way, this character is a perfect metaphor for the movie. He stands before us sheepishly and apologetically looking at his flaccid shriveled penis. He flashes a buffoonish grin in an attempt to explain his inability to complete the task at hand. Can you see him? Does he appear before you? Yes, yes he does.
Hey, wait a second, you’re just standing in front of a mirror!
Even though he’s a political blowhard, I’ve always been impressed with the movies that Sean Penn has directed. His film “The Pledge” from a couple years ago may still be my favorite movie.
A couple of nights ago, I finally caught his most recent effort: “Into the Wild.” You’re probably familiar with the basic plot (based on a true story): young man, disgusted with society (and his parents) decides to retreat deeper and deeper into the natural world. Ultimately, nature consumes him.
The movie could’ve used a bit of editing, but overall, I really enjoyed it. And again, Sean Penn the director appears to be a completely different person from Sean Penn the guy who punches people in the face and writes screaming political diatribes. “Into the Wild” is a pretty nuanced film which manages to simultaneously catalogue some of the ills of society while conceding that society has something to offer (like telling you which berries are safe to eat.)
So, if you’re looking for a way to wile away 2 1/2 hours of your pointless existence, you could do worse.
Anyone with an ounce of culture in them is aware of the classic “Shut up Little Man” audio recordings. These recordings featured the screaming pitched battles of two old men who lived in a decrepit apartment in San Francisco during the late 80s, and were recorded by their neighbors. The recordings were an underground sensation and at one point a film project was in development based on the tapes.
Well, it looks like there will finally be a Shut up Little Man film. It’s a documentary covering the initial surreptitious recordings and their metamorphosis into a cultural explosion. Details and trailer can be found here.
By the way, I wrote an article about the Shut up Little Man phenomenon several years ago.
Today I was ruminating on a theory discussed by neuroscientist VS Ramachandran about the nature of words. His not particularly original theory is that objects or concepts are labeled with words whose sound matches their character. For example, “kill” has a harsh “kay” sound, and it is a harsh action. “Snooze” has a pleasant, soft sound, and is a pleasant act.
You see this kind of relationship quite often in the naming of alien races in science fiction stories. Who are the harsh, fascist villains in Star Trek? The Klingons, and “Klingon” has that harsh “kay” sound again. The Vulcans, however, are less threatening and thus have a softer “Vee” sound.
This got me thinking about the fuzzy, likable Ewoks from the Star Wars movies. Their name would seem to be in violation of this rule, because “wok” is kind of jarring. But then again, it’s actually in character with Ewok nature — they are fuzzy, but also tribal and warriors. I would argue the “e” sound and the “w” sound in their name denotes their plush furryness, whereas the final “k” speaks to their warlike nature.
It strikes me that an interesting piece of software would be some kind of fully automated movie soundtrack generator. This would be a program which could compose a movie score simply by “watching” the movie.
How would this work? Well, first of all the software would need the ability to compose music. As I’ve mentioned in the past, there are currently software programs writing award-winning music. Basically, the software just needs to know all the “rules” of music — the various available chord progressions, what chord does this chord usually go to, how do you establish tonality etc.
By analyzing the motion on the screen, I think software could then compose appropriate music. A scene with a lot of movement and fast cutaways would obviously need fast, jarring music. A scene of two idiots in love, walking along a river would need serene, calm music.
There’s still a few problems. For example, you could have a scene of two people walking along the river and in one case the guy is breaking up with the chick because she’s too needy and boring in bed, but you could also have a very similar scene where the guy is expressing his undying devotion to this woman. Obviously these two scenes would require different kinds of scores. I would put forth the idea that the software could perform some language analysis to design these scores correctly. If you hear a lot of stuff like, “I love you,” “not as much as I love you!” you know a happy score is appropriate.
Obviously this sort of thing is a long way off, but if anybody ever does design it, I clearly deserve 10% of all royalties because I took the time to write this blog post.
I caught the new Captain America movie yesterday. It’s a decent enough superhero flick, and I felt like they didn’t try to pack too much of Captain America mythos into it making it more digestible than other comic book films I’ve seen. One thing struck me: As fans of the character may know, Steve Rogers starts out in the 1940s as a 98 pound weakling, and is transformed into a muscular Nazi Buster via some kind of serum. At one point in the movie, while still in his weakened form, Rogers makes a comment which seems to clearly indicate that he’s a virgin. Then, once empowered, he still never really seems to have the opportunity to officially become a man. The scientist who creates the serum comments that it strengthens everything inside the man who is injected with it. Thus, I think we can presume that Captain America would be an over-testosteronated sex hound. It seems likely he was masturbating at least four times a day if only to deplete his sperm production.
I just watched a terrific British made horror/comedy called “The Cottage” and it was one of the best unheard of horror flicks I’ve ever seen. You can view it here at Crackle.com.
Since this blog has recently steered towards entertaining dog videos, I would be remiss not to embed this music video featuring a team of super dogs. In high-definition they’re really gorgeous animals, and clearly dedicated to furthering the cause of justice.
A couple nights ago I caught a rather interesting movie called “Buried” starring soon to be Green Lantern Ryan Reynolds. The conceit of the movie is interesting: an American truck driver in Iraq wakes up to find himself buried in a underground coffin. The entire film takes place in this coffin, with no flashbacks or external locations. From a production cost standpoint, it’s pure genius. The question is can the acting and direction and narrative arc carry the movie over the course of an hour and a half?
The premise itself is quite horrifying. I’ve experienced claustrophobia; the first time I ever had a panic attack was when I had a friend lock me in the truck of his car as a kind of test of manhood. So when Reynolds wakes up in a coffin as the movie begins, I found it quite disconcerting.
That claustrophobic fear is enough to keep film engaging. The movie is also a political metaphor — Reynolds, the average American, is trapped between military bureaucracy and simmering Iraqi anger, much the same way the American soldier is. However, once the movie gives away its political agenda, it limits the directions the story can move in, which makes it more predictable. Nonetheless, I would say it’s a film worth watching.
“Buried” did get me thinking about the topic of fear. Over the past couple years I’ve developed a much much better sense of what’s happening from a physiological perspective when we experience fear. And if I myself wondering whether that knowledge itself can be used to combat fear. For instance, if you find yourself in a fear inducing situation, can you simply explain to yourself that the trembling and racing heart and mind are merely the result of your limbic system reacting as it’s been programmed to do by eons of evolution? Can I take the sting out of fear? I have found over the past couple years, as I’ve read up on neuroscience, I do see more emotionally mute. Feelings don’t have the impact — either sweet or bitter — that they use to. Maybe I’m just getting old.
I would like to figure a way to eliminate fear entirely. My ideal existence would be that of a fearless unstoppable killing machine.