Why The Olive Garden blows

I had lunch at The Olive Garden today. I’ve never been a big fan of that place but never been sure why. Today it dawned on me: their flavors are too obvious. If they want something to be salty, they pour the salt on. If they want you to notice the parmesan crust, they bake that shit all over the place. If they want you to experience capers they add capers up the ying yang. Everything comes on strong.

The whole experience is a bit like dealing with an old Russian whore. You ever dealt with an old Russian whore? “Come and make love to me, darlink! My body needs your touch!” Yeah, uh, maybe later. “Now my sweet man-bear. I yearn to be dominated by you!!” Eh, I really need to get going. “Please, darlink! I BEG YOU to enslave me with your masterful fingers!!! PLEASE!!!” I think my bus is coming.

The Olive Garden is like the old Russian whore of Italian restaurants.

7 Responses to “Why The Olive Garden blows”


  1. John Saleeby

    Eastern Europe is the most unsexy place in the World. Did you see “Hostel”? They even had to ruin the cute Japanese chick! I’m never going there.

  2. John Saleeby

    Steven Adler says he is “done” with Azl Rose. Uh, Steve – The guy FIRED you twenty fuckin’ years ago. Some guys can’t take a hint.

    He also has a new band called Adler. It should be called Addled. I’m pretty sure at least five hundred people have made this joke before I did.

  3. John Saleeby

    Azl Rose? I dunno . . . shit.

  4. wil

    Hey – did you hear about Steven Adler’s new band called “Adler?” It should be called… oh…

  5. John Saleeby

    It should be called Axler.

  6. John Saleeby

    Power Pop Fun Fact – In 1979 Robin Zander was offered a ton of money to quit Cheap Trick and join Sweet! He turned down the offer – Quite politely I am sure.

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