The evils of women

In the past, I’ve discussed my thoughts on the neurosis of modern living. As the onslaught of information ever increases, we are reminded more and more of our own mortality via 24-hour cable news reporting environmental disasters and political malfeasance, spam e-mails providing cures for everything from impotence the cancer, and warning labels on every product, however innocuous. (“Do not buy happy fun Ball,” the old SNL faux advertisement advised.)The result of this, I believe, is ever increasing anxiety and nervousness to the detriment of our mental and physical health.

Go back 200 years. You didn’t have people worrying about attention deficit disorder. You didn’t have people flagellating themselves for eating a porterhouse steak. You didn’t have an entire nation get caught up in the gory details of some missing teenager seven states away.

It struck me today that this increase in worry came about at the same time women were allowed to have an increased voice in public discussion. Is it possible their nannying matriarchal mindset — always screaming, “don’t play with that frog,” or, “don’t put that in your mouth” or, “don’t put that frog in your mouth” — has corrupted our fundamental character, turning us into a planet of neurotics caught in an endless loop of guilt and anxiety? Was granting women the right to engage in public debate the worst decision mankind has ever made?

Hey, I’m just asking questions.

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