The evils of metaphor

I find it interesting to note how often we refer to emotions as a kind of thing that has a measurable mass and other qualities. Someone might say, “Sally is filled with sorrow,” as if sorrow was some kind of liquid. Or, “John is feeling searing, hot rage,” as if rage had a measurable temperature. Of course, as I’m always arguing, emotions are not “things,” they’re simply sensations in our body being perceived by our brain. And to think of them as objects that have qualities is to lead ourselves down a path away from actual ways we can manage our emotional health.

In fact, I think all metaphors are dangerous and should be banned. The best way to do this would be to employ an armada of tiny flying robots would fly around listening to people’s conversations and when someone employed a metaphor they would shoot a strong electrical jolt at that person’s genitalia. So someone might say, “This is just like a knife through butter,” and the robot would blast him and he would fall to the floor.

Then he might say, “But it was just like a knife through butter. I was slicing my knife through a square of butter.” And the robot would say, “oh, sorry” and fly off.

1 Response to “The evils of metaphor”


  1. John Saleeby

    That’s funny, I’m building an armada of tiny flying robots right now! I didn’t have any particular plan on what to do with them, so your plan might be just the thing. Either that or disrupt the Foo Fighter’s upcoming tour. You know, just to be a dick. I think I’ll do a Pearl Harbor style attack on the first show of the tour and see how the World reacts. I wouldn’t have to buy tickets for that, would I?