The cruelty of nature

Today, I was watching two birds in the backyard engaged in what I presumed to be some kind of courtship ritual. One bird was chirping at the other and kind of chasing her around. Maybe they went off and got lucky, I don’t know. But I was also thinking about how the birds always seem very wary in the backyard, paranoid about approaching cats or other attacking birds. And it struck me that animals have to be wary of predators even while having sex. This is something largely foreign to humans, at least in our current stage of development. Imagine… you meet an attractive girl at a museum. You start a conversation and find yourself surprisingly witty and erudite. She’s taken by your charms, and doesn’t quite know what’s gotten into her when she agrees to your suggestion to retire to a hotel. The two of you lie back on the bedroom sofa, wet lips meeting, your hands slowly caressing her curves and crevices WHEN SUDDENLY A GIANT HAWK SWOOPS DOWN AND PICKS YOU UP IN ITS CRAGGY CLAWS, ITS BEAK PLUCKING AT YOUR EYES SEARCHING OUT THE MOIST GOO TO BE FOUND IN YOUR CRACKED SKULL!

That’s just not something most people have to deal with.

2 Responses to “The cruelty of nature”


  1. John Saleeby

    That happened to me once. I was making out with a French girl in Central Park when a giant hawk swooped down and picked her up in it’s craggy claws leaving me all alone with my sullen boner.

  2. Wil

    Poor dear.