I woke up today, and my dad informed me that he’d had a dream in which our house had been declared a military zone and both Generals McChrystal and Patraeus were clamoring to use our walk-in bathtub. But my dad insisted that it was his walk-in bathtub and that he had dibs.

Torn from the headlines, folks.

(On a side note, doesn’t “General Patraeus” sound like a character from “Planet of the Apes?”)